


Skipping Stones

by Goldy



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-08 19:12:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1952778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldy/pseuds/Goldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose tries to collect the bits and pieces of her life, but she can’t let him go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skipping Stones

_“There, you see, sunset.”_

_He’s proud, a little smug, and Rose hides her smile. The planet is dull, flat, empty, a harsh contrast to the brilliant colours now dotting the landscape._

_It’s not long before she’s absorbed, and she takes a step closer, reaching out a hand like she can almost… feel it. “It’s beautiful.”_

_His voice is quiet. “You never get tired of it, do you?”_

_“How could I?” she says. “All these things. There are always new things to learn, aren’t there, Doctor? You’ve been traveling for so many years now, and you still haven’t seen it all.”_

_“I’ve seen a fair amount,” he says. “Not everything. Well, I hope not. Take the fun out of it, if I did.”_

_He moves to stand next to her. Doesn’t touch her. Never does. Not… not anymore._

_“How long are you going to stay with me?”_

_His tone is light, but his eyes betray him, studying her with a sharp intensity that makes her bite her lip._

_Her lips fumble over the words. “Forever.”_

***

It doesn’t take Rose long to learn she can’t stay in one place.

So she travels. It’s not like before, with the Doctor. She’s only got the one planet now, and the one time period.

But she visits Germany and Russia and South Africa and Brazil and marvels at how different and how the same everything is. There are cars and chips and airplanes, but England’s got a President, and Canada’s the most powerful nation in the world.

Hurts her head when she thinks on it too much.

She’s taken up drinking. And smoking. She stays up too late, lives on stale coffee, and forgets to brush her teeth.

Mum would be horrified.

But it’s the nights when she’s sober that are the worst. Those are the nights she types up reports into the late hours of the morning, only dropping facedown on her bed when her fingers twitch and her eyes burn.

Sometimes he’s only a haze, like that time on the beach, when he looked like a ghost. But she _feels_ him. It sounds stupid, Rose knows. It’s her subconscious looking for something that can’t be there.

***

_They dance._

_He’s better at it in her dreams—coordinated, dipping her, spinning her, almost like Jack did. Once._

_“I watched you die.”_

_They don’t stop dancing, but they slow, moving closer together. She feels his hand on her back, warm, confident. His jacket is worn, leathery. She misses it. Misses him._

_“I didn’t die. I regenerated.”_

_“Felt like you died,” she says. “Felt like you left me.”_

_“Rose,” he touches her cheek with one hand, eyes smiling down at her. “I’m everywhere. One day you’ll turn the corner, and there I’ll be. Probably saving your sorry world, as usual.”_

_She shakes her head. “Not anymore, Doctor.”_

_He pretends not to hear her. “You never did say. The other me, what’s he like?”_

_“Oh, well, I…” Rose takes both his hands, leading him absentmindedly as they circle. “Sort’a like you… bit of a pushover, really, and didn’t mind the domestic approach so much. Real good-looking, too, what with the whole…” Rose catches his eyes and trails off, clearing her throat. “Not that you’re not—I mean, you’re… oh, you know what I mean.”_

_She avoids his eyes after that, embarrassed, licking her lips. And then she blurts, “I never got to say ‘good-bye.’ If I’d known what was happening, but I… I didn’t. Not ‘till afterwards.”_

_His smile is gentle, and he dips her again, his lips coming dangerously close to her neck. “Tell me one thing?”_

_“What’s that, Doctor?”_

_“Are you having a fantastic life?”_

***

Her alarm blares at 7:30, and her head already aches behind her temples.

She dresses for her meeting, idly going over the stats in her head. She’s in Jamaica today. There’s a disturbance near the ocean. Boiling water. Blood spatters on the beach.

All very alien. And there’s no one to do anything about it. No one but her.

***

_It’s the beach. In Norway. Bad Wolf Bay. At the time, she thought it was fitting._

_Now it tastes like ashes in her mouth, just like most things that remind her of the Doctor._

_He’s not looking at her, just staring idly off into the coast, staring at the sea, watching the waves crash against the rocks._

_“Doctor?”_

_She doesn’t get a response, and that bothers her. She pushes forward, slogging through wet sand, scraping her feet._

_She wishes he would say something._

_Instead, it’s just her, loud breathing, hands balling into fists. She’s so angry. Feels like it’s his fault, dumping her in this dimension, leaving her… like… like… like it means nothing._

_“What do you want me to do?” she demands, startled by the vehemence in her voice. She swallows, and then starts again. “Do you want me to settle down? Get married, pop out the kids, the whole shebang? That the adventure you were talking about, Doctor?”_

_He finally turns to look at her, slowly, like he’s only just realizing she’s there. “If that’s what you want.”_

_“If that’s what I…” she trails off. “I_ wanted _to keep traveling with you.”_

_He flashes a grim smile. “That’s not possible.”_

_“Why not? ‘Cause you can’t even be fussed to spend two seconds trying to find a way to get me back. Is that it, Doctor? I thought I was supposed to be different. Instead you left me behind, just like you did the rest of them.”_

_“I didn’t have a choice.”_

_“Didn’t have a…” she sets her jaw. “I was the one who didn’t have a choice! And you—you’ve just left me here. I mean, you didn’t… you didn’t even try.”_

_She wants to shake him, make him realize that it wasn’t the traveling, it wasn’t the planets or the stars, it was_ him.

_But it’s too late._

***

Rose hits bottom after her first one-night stand.

She wakes up in a man’s bed, smelling foreign coffee, touching skin she doesn’t recognize, and itching until she thinks she might hurl.

That’s when she goes home.

Mum’s already there. She drops her suitcases to the floor with a dull thud, and Jackie pulls her into a tight hug, cradling Rose’s head against her shoulder.

Rose wishes enough time had passed for her to stop weeping.

***

_“I’ve got to move on, you know.”_

_She digs her feet into the sand, the rock cutting into her backside._

_The Doctor skips a stone across the water. It bounces six times before sinking. He turns around to look at her, jacket blowing in the wind, hands sunk into pockets._

_Rose brushes hair out of her eyes, blinking back tears. “Spent so long being angry… with you, for myself for not holding on just a little bit longer… but that’s all bullocks. Wasn’t our fault, neither of us. Time to be thankful for what I do have, yeah?”_

_He finally speaks, but his voice sounds far away, even if she can see his lips. “Rose Tyler, you don’t need me. You have a life here. Imagine, a whole life. With a job, and a little brother, and that Mickey boy of yours.”_

_“Bits and pieces, I guess,” Rose says tiredly. “I’m trying.”_

_He opens his mouth to respond, but then fades away, leaving her with nothing but the beach and the waves gently crashing against the shore._

_So typical of him._

***

Jackie brushes an idle hand over her brow at breakfast, eyebrows drawn into a tight line. “Maybe you should take some time off work, yeah? Could get that Dad of yours to take us somewhere. I know how you like traveling.”

Rose shakes her head, already digging through her suitcase, looking for her notes. “Can’t, Mum. Things to do. Besides…” she trails off, shaking her head ruefully. “Traveling really takes it out of you, after a while. It’s nice… being at home.”

Mum smiles, brushing her hair back, palm lingering on Rose’s cheek. “Just wish there was something I could do. Something to make it stop hurting for you.”

Rose pulls away from Jackie’s embrace, attention focused on her briefcase. “There’s nothing. Hurts for a while, and then… it gets better. Gets better after a while.”

“But I’m supposed to make it better, sweetheart. It’s my job.”

Somehow, Rose finds the energy to give her mum a faint smile.

***

_“Can’t ever seem to say good-bye to you,” she says. “Like I always lose my chance. You regenerate, or you fade away, and then… nothing. Just me. And then sometimes, I think… I think that the worst would be if I dreamed and I didn’t see you. Know what I mean, Doctor? Least this is something. Doesn’t matter if it’s not real.”_

_“Well, could be. You never know.”_

_She turns to look at him sideways. “You’re joking.”_

_“Human mind is a peculiar thing. Capable of great feats in my estimation.” He shrugs. “Who’s to say that we’re not both dreaming this?”_

_“Are we, then?” Rose says, suddenly interested._

_“Well, can’t answer that,” he says. “Take all the fun out of not knowing.”_

_She reaches for one brown cufflink, fingers faltering in the air. She decides she would prefer not knowing what would happen if she touched him._

***

“Mum?”

Jackie stops, towel thrown over her shoulder, baby propped up against her chest. “What is it, sweetheart?”

“I love you, you know that, don’t you?” she whispers. “You and everyone else, yeah?”

Something in Jackie’s face softens. “Course we know that.”

“Just wanted to make sure,” Rose whispers. “Cause I don’t know what I would’ve done without you all.”

Jackie shifts the baby, pulling Rose into a smothering hug, her baby brother pressed up between them. Rose breathes in the sweet smell of baby powder, of _innocence_ , and suddenly finds herself thankful that she’ll have a shot at watching him grow up.

For once, she doesn’t cry.


End file.
